Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
