I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
