Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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