All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wear drunk well.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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