Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
