My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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