Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
