I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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