He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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