i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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