You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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