Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
