I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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