I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
