The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
