Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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