her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
