dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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