Will you blow on my dice?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
