Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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