Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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