the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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