my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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