I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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