Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
