Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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