you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
