Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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