just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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