Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
