you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
