life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
