Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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