cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
