Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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