God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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