is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
