Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
