you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
