I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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