McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
