I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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