sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How does one acquire holy water?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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