u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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