I'm lost and stupid without you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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