I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Naked Twister starts at high noon
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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