Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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