Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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