4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize