You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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