OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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