no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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