a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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