She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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