he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
