Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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