so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
