One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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