and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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