i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
