I faked an abortion last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
