I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
