I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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