I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
