I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
